I am ever so slowly
un r   a    v      e          l            i               n                 g

only to be bound again
through thickened tissue and
Time

Phoenix

I push,
You fear
Reality rings clear

In dim,
Out cold,
“Surrender,” I’m told

Ebb tide,
Flow pain,
Bring forth thy bane
…
This bitter herb is all too familiar to my lips.

So comes my undoing.

Herein lies my renewal.

Speak to us of grace

Praise be to the God who measures me not by my failures, but my willingness and ability to repent, grow, and love as he loves. Praise be to the father of the broken. I find my rest in the author of love. I forfeit my fears and my failures to the one who redeems and reconciles all things to him through his sacrifice. I am unworthy of such perfect grace. I open my hands to receive his outpouring. I drink it in and am transformed. I will learn. I will grow. I will walk in his footsteps. Though at times my feet are unsteady, and though my knees may give way, my father strengthens me and helps me to my feet. He will neither leave nor forsake me. He will not cast me out, but instead will regard me as precious and seek me out, just as the shepherd leaves the herd to search for the lost. So long as my eyes are fixed, his hand never leaves me. He uplifts me, and together we walk again. He tends my wounds, comforts me and even carries me when I can go no further. The story doesn’t change should I fall again. His mercies are new every day. Incipit vita nova. A new life begins.

glass castles and thrones of sand

We built this house upon the sand

but the tide shows men no mercy.

So this…

hollow shells and empty buckets

with no architect in sight.

My sorry, sullen

head hung low

I forfeit fights against the moon

and retire empty handed.

Epitaph

a year or so
I’ve chewed this fat
too much to swallow
too expensive to spit out

perhaps I’ll bury you instead.

billy the kid

little stick boy

wild and cross-eyed

bow legged ‘n’ tongue-tied

Mamma’s gonna make you a

bonafide

gentle

man.

Sojourner

Oh, to mourn the death of promise!

And I, adorned with disbelief,

(tearing sackcloth, bathing in ashes)

petition my relief.

In my dismay, You wash my face

“Put this tattered frame to rest.”

and crush the sullen monument

that stood inside this chest

Scattered stones, surrendered searches

I therein do rejoice,

yea, and will rejoice

.

So sever sinews stretching still

between two resting hearts—

these rumple muddled vines shall not

grow where life has stopped.

Yea, did I see you waving wildly—

confident, like Christmas tree worms would be—

before breaking your crown, and blindly

hastening your retreat.

I waited, though…

you never did return

.

So let these tissue thickened letters

draped in memor’m on our skin

be cast aside, nay melted down

as new life enters in.

.

When great eyes open,

then shall we be

down and back to ore.

You are and I am

You are the truth, though

I’m the author of my pain.

My love dies, not Yours.

in the end–the beginning

You said,

“Everything in its time, child

everything in its time.”

So I heeded your words—

lined my shelter with promises

and filled the cracks with hope.

I waited as expectation began to wither

like branches in the dead of winter

You burned to keep me warm.

You said,

“Everything in its time, child

everything in its time—”

This(Your)truth sang me to sleep.

—

And so this is spring…

white blankets slowly roll back,

ice melts and drips away;

sinks deep into the earth and

waters the seed that long lay dormant.

Roots unfurled and tendrils

stretched out toward the sun,

all I held had come undone.

I awoke to find that all had changed

No, not one remained the same

Yet, when everything I loved

had long since come and gone

You whispered beauty in my ear…

—

Everything in its time, child

everything in its time.

on love and loss…

¹³ Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.”
Nathan replied, “The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. ¹⁴ But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, the son born to you will die.”

¹⁵ After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. ¹⁶ David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. ¹⁷ The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

¹⁸ On the seventh day the child died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

¹⁹ David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.
“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

²⁰ Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

²¹ His servants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

²² He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ ²³ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

2 Samuel 12:13-22

……………………………………………………………

Oh the glory when he took our place
But he took my shoulders and he shook my face
And he takes

and he takes

and he takes

Sufjan Stevens – Calsimir Pulaski Day

……………………………………………………………

So much has been taken away. But the gift of grace far outweighs what has been taken from me. It always will.

And what now is there to do?

What may I do?

I have the honor of worshiping my heavenly Father, who (in His infinite wisdom) always does what is best for me.

This heart sinks, but I will sing. Like David, there is nothing else for me to do but worship the one true Gd.